The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
