best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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