I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
