your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
