Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
