I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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