I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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