Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
3 2 1 whiskey
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
