how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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