we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
