I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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