The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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