sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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