I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize