WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
