my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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