Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
