Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
