I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
