peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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