I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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