Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
