What a fucking waste of an outfit
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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