Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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