i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Woke up backwards on a recliner
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
