FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
