I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
