He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
