Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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