my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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