I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
