Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
