OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
