he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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