well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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