Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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