idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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