I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
