called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Randomize
