I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she looked like the before picture.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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