Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
