What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
