Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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