my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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