She is in my trunk
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
