last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
