Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
