I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
