walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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