she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
