Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
