i would punch a child for taco bell
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
