I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
A bitchslap is in order.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
