Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
How does it feel to date your dad?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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