I CAN MOONWALK!
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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