can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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