On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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