ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
