Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
