Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
