i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
