i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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