Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
