I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We got so high we made milksteak
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
