They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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