get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Randomize
