You smell like stripper and shame
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
honey bunches of taint.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
