Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
