you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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