i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
