i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
