i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
