Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize