she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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